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What the Night Was For

by Summer Russell

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1.
This is just what I've been waiting for I finally have a good excuse To shut the door today I've consulted common sense And I've prepared my best defense And then you tear it all away A little more every moment My reasons run out A little more every moment I'm giving up ground I forget myself so easily When I hear the way you speak to me You remind me Of the things I thought were gone A little more every moment I want to be wrong But this is just a passing argument And I can't bend to break The promises I've made I should go back and apologize To that frightened fool I keep inside But you won't let me get away A little more every moment My reasons run out A little more every moment I'm giving up ground I forget myself so easily And I don't know how you see through me To the things I want And won't let myself be A little more every moment I start to believe A little more of this I'm not so sure of this I don't know how much of this I can take But when you open me up With your beautiful eyes To the limitless sky There isn't a choice left to make A little more of this moment That's all that I want A little longer not knowing Or wondering what Is gonna come of this prophecy Under my skin A little more of this moment To stay with you in
2.
Give me a night listless and long, smokey and slow like that one kiss before, walking the floor with pale virgin feet to pick up my crown and no longer be poor. Give me a house with no locks on the doors, give me a moment to be something more, and try not to ask what the night was for. I have no stake in a pocket of time where I can go back anytime that I choose, so if I should lose anything that I had, there isn't a lot I can do but stare at a moment that needs something more, and sit all alone here, watching the door, and try not to ask what the night was for. And I've spent weeks or months just staring at the same spot, but don't say I'm the same, ‘cause you know that I'm not. And all the while the clock is ticking over my head, and I've got to slow down but I'm burning up instead. Build me a bridge out past the break, so I can walk where the ocean is deep give me the streets where my old lover walked give me a face I could draw in my sleep. Just let me sleep now, just like before, just let me take my eyes off of this door give me a moment I'll be something more and try not to ask what the night was for.
3.
The bells in the churchyard Called out the time As it slipped away over the lawn How can I be so much older tonight Than I was when they rang at dawn? I think of the bells that rang When I was small The candles and books And the bells of Saint Paul And to my surprise I feel nothing at all And I know the secret now I think that I finally do It was all in my head And you can't wake the dead And the time that is running Will always be outrunning you I walked down the street With a song in my brain That they played on the night I met you But I don't wear my hair The same way I did then And the memories seem out of tune You left all your photographs Out in the hall There are so many details I wish I recalled But to my surprise I feel nothing at all And I know the secret now I think that I finally do It was all in my head And you can't wake the dead And the time that is running Will always be outrunning you We tried to pretend As if nothing had changed The last time I came to your door We both closed our eyes And held on for a while Til the phone rang, and you had to go I thought of the shadows Concealed in the walls I thought of the climb And I thought of the fall And I told myself I felt nothing at all And I know the secret now I think that I finally do It was all in my head And you can't wake the dead And the time that is running Will always be outrunning you And love is a temple, And love conquers all And love is a tower That's not supposed to fall So why do we have So much trouble admitting That all that it takes Is two people forgetting? And I know the secret now I think that I finally do It was all in my head And you can't wake the dead And the time that is running Will always be outrunning
4.
I know that you’re no good for me That is the standard alibi I only love the memory Of moments that have passed me by That kiss that I could never get Sitting in a corner of your mocking mouth As I turned and rode away On a wave of fortune swiftly heading south But somehow you have followed me I find you in the dead of night Uncovered with my honesty A wrong that we will never right That place that I can never reach Speaking from a corner of my hungry heart You can laugh at me from there You’re the jester, I’m the fool, I know my part But you must know I loved you then Could never tell you how Perhaps I didn’t know myself I understand it now How else could you have wounded me Ineffably, with just a stroke of grace? With the light upon your face in the morning When I woke up in your place

about

A quartet of bittersweet love songs from the turn of the century, now with bonus experience and recording equipment that's not a Palm Pilot.

I was listening to a lot of Damien Rice.

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released May 1, 2020

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Summer Russell Santa Cruz, California

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