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Half Sick of Shadows

from The Court of Love by Summer Russell

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From the heart of Elaine of Astolat, the Lady of Shalott.

lyrics

I have wondered at the way of things
For minutes in infinity
Since first I saw you
Passing through my mirror
How I always find my way
Into the wrong place,
At the wrong time, waiting
For a knight who shines above my fears

And I wonder at the way I’ll go
Since now I’ve watched you passing
Over rivers where I cannot follow
And so many of the colors from
My tapestry went running free
And what was whole an hour ago
Seems hollow

How can it be you sang to me
But never raised your eyes
And rode away unchanged
As in my room I came alive?
If I could only know that you
Felt something of this magic, too,
I’d make a lover’s lifetime of today
But I don’t know who you are at all
And you’ll never look inside these walls
And I don’t need a lifetime anyway.

If I could weave a banner for you
Hang it from the highest wall
And sing your name
Into the silver dawn –
I could no more bring you back to me
Than I could climb the starry sea
To touch the one I always wish upon

And you would have no patience
For the silly dreams of silly things
Who cry and sing
And live alone in towers
I tell myself, to spare my heart
That you are cruel and cannot love
But in my dreams
You always bring me flowers.

How can it be you sang to me
But never raised your eyes
And rode away unchanged
As in my room I came alive?
If I could only know that you
Felt something of this magic, too,
I’d make a lover’s lifetime of today
But I don’t know who you are at all
And you’ll never look inside these walls
And I don’t need a lifetime anyway,
Not today.

credits

from The Court of Love, released May 6, 2022

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Summer Russell Santa Cruz, California

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